I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
