I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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