is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
