My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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