I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
