He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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