wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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