I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
