So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
