Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
