This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
