We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
