he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
