So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I understand Curling. That high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
