His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
