there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
