Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
