i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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