Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You took a bar mat shot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
