The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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