k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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