On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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