She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
