Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
