Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
