mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
