and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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