If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
