Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
