Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
