My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
