i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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