Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
