I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
