like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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