Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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