I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
