Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
