dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
