Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
