I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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