I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
