my sisters under your porch take her home
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
