I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
