You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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