she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
