He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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