He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
