I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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