I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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