I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
