thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
