I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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