So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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