How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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