just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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