goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
