I wanna bring you to show and tell
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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