Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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