I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
