i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
