If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
