i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
