i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
