Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
