Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
