Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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