I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
